Complicated relationships take up lots of valuable real estate in our heads. Love and bewilderment, misunderstanding, miscommunication, kindnesses, frustration, resentment, nostalgia and anger all exist at the same time. The battle of habits, personalities, outside noise and pressure can weigh on our significant relationships much like the constancy of rain drops on a stone, smoothing and hollowing it out or the relentless pounding of the ocean on seaside cliffs, making them ragged and sharp and eventually pummeling the mighty rocks into just grains of sand, practical nothingness. It’s hard to know sometimes when to stay or go. You have to ask yourself, is this a learning opportunity, a chance to grow, a fleeting yet fierce thought you can let go of or a signal that the friendship, familial or romantic partnership no longer serves you? Outgrowing a relationship happens all the time. And just because you are related to someone doesn’t mean they are your people. Everyone in my family of origin is either dead or dead to me. Too much toxicity and giving myself away. When I tell people this, they kind of move away from me as if I just dropped an F-bomb in church. Not all family relationships are sacred connections never to be broken. Sometimes, it’s just DNA. And it can be that your family is the most dangerous place for you. Thankfully I have good relationships with my nieces and nephews and my own children. Healthy relationship take work and they must be regularly maintained just like your car or they break apart. Don’t be left stranded by a piece that you know is ready to give way. Take the necessary steps for a well-oiled relationship.
Communication is both the culprit and the healer of any sort of connection. If we have good skills, open hearts and minds and are willing look at ourselves and to sit in discomfort or misery as we work it out, then all parties can grow. For me, I find it more productive to process my issues before I head into the fray with the person I need to address. My journal is an exquisite listener. Its silence lets me think every issue through. Sometimes after I write it all out, I am finished with the problem and that’s that. Other times I drill down into what is really going on for me, which can be something completely opposite of what I thought it was. I invariably find out how to I need to proceed.
Deep Dive Saturday Writing Prompt ~ Write about a significant relationship that has gotten stale or unruly for you. Why are you in this relationship? What does it afford you? What do you sacrifice? What do you share? What do you with you shared? Are you being honest? Do you speak and live your truth with this other person? Go for it! Write it as if no one is reading it now or ever. Burn it if you don’t want it kicking around afterwards.