Shut tight the bedroom
draw the curtains closed except for slivers of vertical light
pull the weighted comforter down
slide under pull over you sink
clutch at the air of your pain
a searing lightning bolt
that seizes up your lungs
squeezes your heart to a standstill
you can’t breathe you can’t breathe
you panic
your whole body convulses with the
isolation separation degradation
shame guilt disgust
you draw your legs up
until your feet are flat on the mattress
your hands are back beside you on the same bed
push yourself up gulping at the oxygen
above you
as if being upright is the answer
to suffocating
car truck rolling wheels revving engines
drown the birds’ songs
deliveries made and kept
roads jack hammered and rattled
construction on astronomically over priced out of reach
places to teach move in find trust unfurl in safety
in the rest of this house are the fruits of your loins and love
content to keep the door closed
arguments rise and sputter laughter bubbles up and fades
silverware clanks on plates and bowls and pots and pans
cupboards open bang shut refrigerator suctions food moves
oil sizzles smells wafting television woofers bass treble
a virus floats on coughs and spittle droplets snot
disinfectant squirts and squirts and squirts
wash sanitize repeat dry cracked skin chasms crevices
they are positive you are negative
yet it feels reversed
they bond you brace for the setting sun darkness
your thoughts gratitudes encouragement fight your demons swirling
black as night falling back into the impression depression
of the mattress.