I loathe mirrors.
I hate looking at myself.
Furthermore, I absolutely do not enjoy seeing myself in pictures or videos.
Hide Self Image on Zoom is my favorite feature. Who wants to watch themselves teach? Not me!
When I teach, I feel alive and present and gorgeous.
Selfies, though I have tried to take them and post them in the pursuit of self-love, actually make me disgusted with the way I look and catapult me into loving my physical less, which translates into hovering outside of my body and being inauthentic.
I don’t need to see myself from the outside in!!!!
And here is why. I feel good in my skin. I am settled in my bones. I love myself in my actual body in the real time moment.
Some days I even feel attractive and physically vibrant. In my heart and mind and soul, I do not look like what I look like in mirrors and pictures. That physical likeness is not how I intrinsically see myself. Being shown photographs of me and having to look in mirrors as I sit in cafes or at people’s houses distract me, destroy my sense of self, impede the way I move through the world. It’s like watching a car wreck; my eyes are glued to the carnage in horror.
I’d love to stop being pressured to be in pictures. I know I was there with you, wherever there may have been. I was fully present. Sometimes, I acquiesce to avoid a scene but I’d rather not. If you do take a picture with me in it, please do not show me or post it where I can see it. I am okay with drawing that line in the sand. I put the line there in order to feel as good about my personal carriage as I do when I am not gazing upon myself. Captured images of me destroy my belief in my own beauty. That is all. Woo-hoo! It’s Too Real Tuesday!
Too Real Tuesday Writing Prompt ~ What do you loathe? Absolutely despise. Write it raw. Let ‘er rip!